1 Corinthians 13 (New Revised Standard Version)

13 If I speak in the tongues of humans and of angels but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all my possessions and if I hand over my body so that I may boast^[a] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; ⁶ it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. ⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

One of the things I love about Scripture is how you can read it at about 85% of your weddings over 25 years of ordained ministry and all of a sudden you spot something new when you read it one day. That happened to me last week when I suddenly noticed that of all the things Paul said that love IS, he mentioned way more things that love ISN’T. Did you ever notice that before? Do you think that was intentional? Given what he was up against at his church, I definitely think he was calling them out because they were doing way more things that love isn’t than what love is. So Paul is giving us multiple words about what love isn’t in order to help us discover what love is. Listen again to what he said:

⁴ …love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth.

So that is what love isn’t. 

It isn’t arrogant, so love would never think its own opinion was more intelligent or valuable than another person’s idea. Indeed, love would quietly accept diverse thoughts and listen carefully to other perspectives. 

Love isn’t jealous and doesn’t covet the things other people have. Love is satisfied with what it has and doesn’t need to go out and look for a younger model.

Love doesn’t seek its own advantage, which means that love celebrates everyone else’s achievements and success, and doesn’t put someone down in order to lift itself up. When there is no jealousy, there is no competition for attention. 

Love isn’t rude, so love is careful to be polite in conversations. Relationships break down when labeling, finger-pointing, and name-calling happen, so love is careful to show respect to others. 

Love isn’t irritable, so love takes a moment when something irritates it and prayerfully figures out a mature way to respond. 

Love never enters an argument with a list of past grievances, because love FORGIVES. Have you ever been in an argument with a loved one and find yourself re-hashing old issues? Is that love? What love forgives, love forgets.

One of the things love doesn’t love is injustice and so love works hard to be sure everyone is treated fairly. And love loves truth, especially the One who is the Way, the Life, and the Truth.

I think Paul’s advice can stand as a valuable checklist for evaluating the quality of our love. If you approach your loved ones, your friends, and your neighbors as a jealous, complaining, irritable, rude, and offensive smart-alack, you might need to have yourself a “come to Jesus moment”. Because nowhere in scripture does it say that Jesus loved like that.

Take a look back at what love isn’t and use it as an evaluation of the love you show people. How do you measure up to Paul’s standard of love? Are there any areas for improvement?

Paul says if we do not have love, we are nothing. Go out and be a something today.

Rejoice by Michelle Robertson