We are rounding the corner when holidays challenge us to try to spend time with our families. There is an expectation of togetherness that dominates our schedules between Halloween and New Year’s Day. For families that are experiencing dysfunction, these next few months can be extremely disruptive.

Does your family put the “fun” in dysfunctional or is there a deep and toxic undercurrent that threatens your peace? I spoke to a mother who has been battling with a very toxic relative who refuses to listen to her and has rejected all of her words and counsel. When that relative suddenly announced that they were coming for Thanksgiving, the mother responded that this would not work this year. I applaud her conviction in standing up for herself. Let me say this out loud for those in the back: it is okay to walk away from toxic relationships. You can still love people from afar, but to put appropriate boundaries around your heart, your mind, and your sanity is sometimes the only way to negotiate relationships that threaten to undo you.

Not only is it okay to walk away from toxic relationships, but it is also biblical.

In the tenth chapter of Matthew, Jesus was training his disciples to go out and announce that the Messiah had come. He instructed them to knock on the door and offer a blessing of peace. If the blessing was rebuked, Jesus told them to “let your peace return to you” and walk away.

Matthew 10 (New International Version)

¹³ If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. ¹⁴ If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.

Think about your most challenging relationships. If the relationship is deserving, let your peace rest on it. If your words, advice, and loving counsel are rejected over and over again, step away from that relationship and dust off your feet.

This is not to say that we are suddenly relieved of our duty to love others as Christ loves them. This does not discount unconditional love. But loving with healthy boundaries and space is appropriate. Jesus said so.

Are you dreading the holidays? Do you wish you didn’t have to deal with someone this season?

Dust off your feet, stand up for yourself, and walk toward your own peace of mind.

When Peace, Like a River by Kathy Schumacher