Whatever is good

Making Up is Hard to Do

Posted on by Betsy

Have you ever had a silly disagreement that grew so large, you forgot what the initial argument was even about? The practice of holding a grudge can take on a life of its own. When fractures in a relationship go on for weeks/months/years, the resulting estrangement is often hard to reverse. Tragically, the beginning of the end is sometimes a simple misunderstanding that cannot ever be untangled. Sometimes the disagreement wasn’t even your fault or responsibility. In my denomination, many people are severing friendships over polity issues that have nothing to do with personal relationships. A line has been drawn and through no fault of your own, you suddenly find that your friend has blocked you on Facebook and won’t respond to emails simply because you are on the other side of that line. It happens every day over politics, politicians, vaccines, the climate crisis, the border conundrum … people are falling out over issues that have nothing to do with their relationships. I bet it has happened to you, too.

Paul is very clear about what we are to do in these cases. He challenges us to iron out our differences and make up.

Philippians 4 (The Message)

4 My dear, dear friends! I love you so much. I do want the very best for you. You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride. Don’t waver. Stay on track, steady in God.

2 I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn’t want his children holding grudges.

3 And, oh, yes, Syzygus, since you’re right there to help them work things out, do your best with them. These women worked for the Message hand in hand with Clement and me, and with the other veterans—worked as hard as any of us. Remember, their names are also in the Book of Life.

God doesn’t want his children holding grudges. Does that feel like a punch in the gut? Think for a moment about someone you have walked away from over a small issue. Is it time to make up?

4-5 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

A life focused on God is a sure remedy for those times when we are focused on our anger and resentment. Paul’s sense of urgency about the coming of Christ put things into perspective. When it came to disputes, his perspective was “ain’t nobody got time for that!” And he’s right. Do you really have time to keep nursing your grudge, or is it time to let it go?

8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Allowing God to work us into his most excellent harmonies won’t happen until we throw down our boxing gloves and pick up things that are true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, and gracious. Sprinkle in a large measure of forgiveness over past hurts and you are on your way. When we fill our minds with things to praise, God is able to work everything together. Thanks be to God!

Fill Your Mind with Beauty by Michelle Robertson

WhatEVER

Posted on by Betsy

If you have ever had a teenager, if you have one now, or if you simply know a teenager, you have heard the word whatEVER waaay, waaay too much. It becomes the common response to EVERYTHING for a (thankfully) brief period of time…say, from age 11 to about 21. (31?) Often delivered with an eye roll, a foot stomp, and a perfectly dismissive tone of voice, whatEVER signals to the hearer that the speaker is finished with the conversation and has totally moved on. End of. Door closed. Don’t bother to knock.

Oh, the joys of raising kids!

In defense of the teens that we all raise and love, whatEVER also signals that your teen is overwhelmed, frustrated, distracted, and emotionally underwater. The dismissiveness is not always a lack of respect, as much as it feels like it. It is your kid’s way of saying, ”TOO MUCH. School is too much, social media is too much, my boy/girl friend issues are too much, the bullying at lunch is too much, my so-called-friends are too much, the pressures of hormonal life with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex are just TOO MUCH.” It’s perhaps in this moment that they need Mom and Dad the most, even with the strong-arm/push-away behavior that they are exhibiting.

And don’t be fooled…whatEVERness is not just restricted to teenagers. Look around your friend group, your workplace, and your community, and you’ll find someone choosing dismissive and off-putting behavior as a way to deal with their own TOO-MUCHNESS.

WhatIF we could turn their WhatEVERs into something lovely?

Philippians 4

8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

When someone comes at you full bore and you get blindsided by their hostility, it is a good thing to pause and consider what else is happening. It’s also important to think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, and pleasing about them. In other words, in the face of resistance, rebellion, and rudeness (whether from your kid or another adult) think to yourself: what is really going on? Is there ANY redeeming quality in this person (albeit not in this moment?)

If the answer is yes, take a deep breath and think about THOSE things. Then pray.

Someday, you will be glad that you did not overreact to your teenager’s hormones. Someday, you will be glad that you didn’t meet rudeness with rudeness. Someday that awful co-worker who was trying to undermine you may actually come back to apologize, and thank you for your graciousness.

And someday, that overwhelmed kid will be an overwhelmed parent of a teenager themself. And when that happens, and they come complaining to you about what their child just had the NERVE to say to them, you know what your response can be?

“WhatEVER!!!”

Whatever is Pleasing, Think on This by Michelle Robertson