wedding covenant

Strands that Bind

Posted on by Betsy

I have been asked to officiate my best friend’s son’s wedding and I am thinking about the homily. Nobody wants a long homily (!) but most people expect the pastor to “say a few words.” And by few, they mean as few as possible. Pastors typically try to connect the Scripture to those few words when possible. The wedding Scripture selections are up to the preference of the bride and groom. The one that most couples automatically default to is 1 Corinthians 13, also known as the “love passage.” You know the one:” Love is patient, Love is kind…love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” One might say that this choice is “love-ly” for every occasion!

Certainly this is the gold standard classic, which was read at my own wedding. But I actually prefer a different Scripture now when I officiate a wedding. It comes from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes:

Ecclesiastes 4 (New International Version (NIV)

9  Two are better than one,

    because they have a good return for their labor:

10  If either of them falls down,

    one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

    and has no one to help them up.

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

    But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,

    two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken

It is that last verse upon which a strong homily, and relationship, can be built. The way it applies to relationships is this: there are two people in a relationship who are bound together spiritually by adding the “third strand” of God. Couples who come to the altar to make a covenant with each other and with Christ are inviting and including the power and presence of the Holy Spirit to provide strength and beauty to their relationship. Think of a braid. Two strands alone are weak. Three strands woven together are ironclad.

Does this mean Christian relationships are impervious to disruption? Sadly, no. When one partner unbinds themself from the relationship, or from God through sin, the cord indeed can fall apart. In decades of marriage counseling I’ve heard the same story told with different characters. At some point of tiredness, ennui, boredom, or temptation, one pulls away from the braid and the relationship unravels. When “self-importance” overtakes the importance of “us,” that single strand elects to go wayward and the grip is loosened enough for the Enemy to pry in and pry it apart.

I think it is fair to say that the Enemy, whose job it is to “steal, kill, and destroy,” finds the breaking apart of relationships, marriages, and families a veritable playground for the havoc he comes to bring. Couples in jeopardy will spend years in the breaking-apart and putting-lives-back-together process. The grief, expense, overwhelming fatigue, anger, and debilitating soul-exhaustion that accompanies divorce can pull people away from their faith as they negotiate the troubled waters of permanent separation.

Keeping Christ at the center of your marriage, family, and relationships gives you the best weapon against this. When you turn your eyes upon Jesus and partner with him as a couple in your home, work, leisure time, finances, and focus, you stand a better chance of surviving the fiery darts that assault all marriages and relationships. And you’ll also find joy.

God invites us to find shelter our relationships in him:

Psalm 62 (New International Version (NIV)

1 Truly my soul finds rest in God;

    my salvation comes from him.

2 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

3 How long will you assault me?

    Would all of you throw me down—

    this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

4 Surely they intend to topple me

    from my lofty place;

    they take delight in lies.

With their mouths they bless,

    but in their hearts they curse.

5  Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

    my hope comes from him.

6  Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;

    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, you people;

    pour out your hearts to him,

    for God is our refuge.

No matter where you find yourself today, whether it is in a strong and committed relationship or in the chaos of one that is breaking apart, pour out your heart to God and trust in him.

He is your rock, your salvation, and your refuge.

Strands of Flags and Lights, Grassington, England

Covenant

Posted on by Betsy

I love the word covenant. For me, it may be one of the most significant words in the Bible, just after salvation, peace, and forgiveness. Covenant describes the reason all those other words exist. In a Biblical sense, a covenant is a solemn agreement or contract between God and his people that is flesh-and-blood binding.

In the Old Testament, covenants were made with Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David. These covenants were promises God made to never destroy the earth again, to provide land and descendants, to bless those who followed the law, (and punish those who didn’t) and that the house of David would produce the kings of Israel. Not to mention THE King.

In the New Testament, we have the end-all-be-all covenant of Jesus, known as the New Covenant. The New Covenant came as a completion of all the old laws, ways, covenants and promises. In the New Covenant, God promises to offer forgiveness of sins through the shed blood of his son on the cross. All who believe will receive eternal life.

In every case, God is the agent of the covenant-making. He initiates, he declares, he invites, and he promises. Every type of covenant relies on both parties doing their part and agreeing to the terms as presented.

One of my favorite modern uses of the word covenant is in the wedding ceremony. It appears in several places, and is in the prayers when we refer to “this solemn act of covenant” and ask God to bless the union. At the end, we invite the bride and groom to “seal your covenant with a kiss.”

(As an aside: we stopped inviting the groom to kiss the bride when we finally realized that the old liturgy assumed the bride to be an object to be given away by her father at the beginning of the ceremony and kissed by the groom at the end. We now ask the family to “present this woman to be married,” and both bride and groom are invited to “seal the covenant with a kiss.”)

In a marriage, we have an equal partnership of covenant-makers. Each benefits from the mutually agreed upon terms from a position of parity. But not so with our covenant with God. We are not his equal. We cannot hope to match what he can give as part of his covenant agreement. It could not be more lopsided, and yet, there it is:

Hebrews 8 The Message (MSG)

A New Plan with Israel

6-13 But Jesus’ priestly work far surpasses what these other priests do, since he’s working from a far better plan. If the first plan—the old covenant—had worked out, a second wouldn’t have been needed. But we know the first was found wanting, because God said,

Heads up! The days are coming

    when I’ll set up a new plan

    for dealing with Israel and Judah.

I’ll throw out the old plan

    I set up with their ancestors

    when I led them by the hand out of Egypt.

They didn’t keep their part of the bargain,

    so I looked away and let it go.

This new plan I’m making with Israel

    isn’t going to be written on paper,

    isn’t going to be chiseled in stone;

This time I’m writing out the plan in them,

    carving it on the lining of their hearts.

I’ll be their God,

    they’ll be my people.

They won’t go to school to learn about me,

    or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons.

They’ll all get to know me firsthand,

    the little and the big, the small and the great.

They’ll get to know me by being kindly forgiven,

    with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.

By coming up with a new plan, a new covenant between God and his people, God put the old plan on the shelf. And there it stays, gathering dust.

The New Covenant offers us the opportunity to be a part of the kingdom of God. God will write this new plan in our hearts. It is a plan that offers us his kind forgiveness, where repentance results in our sinful slates being wiped clean. God desires to be known firsthand. He will be our God and we will be his people. Did you catch that? The God who created the entire universe wants to be our God! He wants to be known in the little and the big, the small and the great. Can you even imagine?

The only thing we can do….the ONLY thing that God asks…is accept this gift of covenant. We can’t earn it, we can’t reciprocate in kind, and we certainly can’t mechanically adhere to meticulous laws to prove ourselves worthy. We just have to open up our hearts and receive the promises of God.

And that’s the best news of all. God has made a promise to us, and God always keeps his promises. How will you respond? What will you do with this gift? Can you keep up your side of this covenant?

God invites all to come to the table he has prepared before us. Will you accept?

God’s Creation, Offered Without Price. Photo by Patti Kohl Koehler