taming the tongue

Tongue Taming

Posted on by Betsy

I have always disliked the kid’s rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Really? In what universe? Words have the power to break a mood, break a spirit, break a childhood, and even break a life. Having broken a few bones, and also having received the tongue lashing of harsh words, I can attest to the fact that words hurt more. I bet you can, too. This may be folklore, but I have heard that a healed bone break produces a stronger bone. I can’t say the same for a soul that has suffered from breakage by negative, self-esteem destroying words and attitudes. Words can linger through a lifetime, and they can leave a significant mark.

Proverbs 12:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

I have a friend who was raised in an environment of negative words. Overly distracted and uncaring parenting lead her to seek affirmation outside of the home. The extreme harshness of constant criticism from her mother took her down a dark and lonely path, leading her to attempt suicide and participate in dangerous behavior. When she wasn’t wilding, she was trying to disappear. Her world was void of any color that usually goes along with a normal childhood. Later in life, she was fortunate to meet a stable and caring man, but the words she received from her violently angry mother are still a part of her daily existence.

In counseling, I experience the aftermath of the words of war that people inflict on each other. Every sentence that comes from your mouth can either inflict hurt, or bring fruit from the tree of life to someone. I think the difference lies in our ability to practice self-control. Everyone gets angry. Everyone is frustrated. Everyone looses their temper now and again. But the pivotal moment lies in our ability to practice the fruits of the spirit … or to abandon them and give into our need to rage.

Galatians 5: 22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Self-control. Just walk away. Take a break. Count to 20. Leave the room. Go outside. Anything but give into your anger that might result in a soul-crushing vomit of damaging words.

How would it be if we decided today that this week we will only offer words that uplift, build up and offer the fruit of the tree of life to those around us? How would it be if we decided that this week, we will avoid any words, tone, or attitudes that might crush the hopes of those around us?

So there is your challenge. You can do it … with God’s help.

Reaching for Good Fruit

Taming the Tongue

Posted on by Betsy

Yesterday a good friend posted a simple request on Facebook. She asked her friends to stop discussing politics on their feeds. The comments ranged from “You are so right! I hate all the arguing!” to “Freedom of speech.” Wherever you stand on that issue, surely the constant arguing that is happening in our country is wearing us all down.

James had a lot to say about “taming the tongue.”

James 3:13 – 4:3, 7-8a  The Message

13-16 Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here’s what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn’t wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn’t wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn’t wisdom. It’s the furthest thing from wisdom—it’s animal cunning, devilish plotting. Whenever you’re trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others’ throats.

17-18 Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

4 1-2 Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

2-3 You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you’d be asking for what you have no right to. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. 

“You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done.” OUCH!

Think about the last argument you had with your spouse, or consider the enormous political division that exists in our country, and look again: 4 1-2 Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way.

James really tells it like it is, doesn’t he? He insists that it is our own selfish personal desires – what he calls our war within – that create the conflicts in our families and communities and inner selves. Because we want more – more attention, more respect, more power, more authority – our wanting puts us in direct conflicts with our own families, church, community, and country. 

We want to be right. We want to be in control. We want to have our own way.

This is not the way of the followers of Christ, friends. Verse 17 reminds us of the way we are to follow: It begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

So what can you do to get along with others? Are you gentle and reasonable or are you exercising your right to free speech at the expense of others? Are you contributing to a healthy, robust community that lives right with God, or are you your own island?

God calls us to treat each other with dignity and honor. May we do all in our power to live up to this.

Getting Along by Michelle Robertson