self-control

Tongue Taming

Posted on by Betsy

I have always disliked the kid’s rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Really? In what universe? Words have the power to break a mood, break a spirit, break a childhood, and even break a life. Having broken a few bones, and also having received the tongue lashing of harsh words, I can attest to the fact that words hurt more. I bet you can, too. This may be folklore, but I have heard that a healed bone break produces a stronger bone. I can’t say the same for a soul that has suffered from breakage by negative, self-esteem destroying words and attitudes. Words can linger through a lifetime, and they can leave a significant mark.

Proverbs 12:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

I have a friend who was raised in an environment of negative words. Overly distracted and uncaring parenting lead her to seek affirmation outside of the home. The extreme harshness of constant criticism from her mother took her down a dark and lonely path, leading her to attempt suicide and participate in dangerous behavior. When she wasn’t wilding, she was trying to disappear. Her world was void of any color that usually goes along with a normal childhood. Later in life, she was fortunate to meet a stable and caring man, but the words she received from her violently angry mother are still a part of her daily existence.

In counseling, I experience the aftermath of the words of war that people inflict on each other. Every sentence that comes from your mouth can either inflict hurt, or bring fruit from the tree of life to someone. I think the difference lies in our ability to practice self-control. Everyone gets angry. Everyone is frustrated. Everyone looses their temper now and again. But the pivotal moment lies in our ability to practice the fruits of the spirit … or to abandon them and give into our need to rage.

Galatians 5: 22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Self-control. Just walk away. Take a break. Count to 20. Leave the room. Go outside. Anything but give into your anger that might result in a soul-crushing vomit of damaging words.

How would it be if we decided today that this week we will only offer words that uplift, build up and offer the fruit of the tree of life to those around us? How would it be if we decided that this week, we will avoid any words, tone, or attitudes that might crush the hopes of those around us?

So there is your challenge. You can do it … with God’s help.

Reaching for Good Fruit

Promote the Promise

Posted on by Betsy

What are the causes that you promote? Are you an animal rights supporter, an active member of your school’s PTO, an ardent football team fan, or someone who believes very strongly in a political position or person? If you watch for signs in your neighborhood, you can spot the things people promote. From flags to bumper stickers to social media posts, it is easy to determine who promotes what in your circle of influence.

I have always loved how Paul promoted Jesus with a laser-sharp focus. His entire existence was for the single cause of bringing the Good News of the messiah’s salvation, hope, healing, and resurrection to the world. He literally went throughout the known world with the message of the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus:

2 Timothy (Common English Bible)

1 From Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by God’s will, to promote the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus.

2 To Timothy, my dear child.

Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

3 I’m grateful to God, whom I serve with a good conscience as my ancestors did. I constantly remember you in my prayers day and night. 4 When I remember your tears, I long to see you so that I can be filled with happiness.5 I’m reminded of your authentic faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. I’m sure that this faith is also inside you.6 Because of this, I’m reminding you to revive God’s gift that is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 God didn’t give us a spirit that is timid but one that is powerful, loving, and self-controlled.

When you elect to share your love of Christ with others, you will need this spirit of power, love, and self-control that can only come from God. Not everyone wants to hear about Jesus. Not everyone wants to hear from you about your faith. I remember one such conversation decades ago when I attended my mother’s retirement dinner. She had served for 30 years as the school business administrator for a large high school, and a lovely banquet was held in her honor. I was invited to give the blessing. When I sat down, a brand new and very young assistant something-or-other said to me, “Are you really a minister?” I said yes and added that I was an ordained United Methodist minister, lest he think I was from some small, rogue denomination. “I don’t believe in women ministers,” he continued. “I think the Bible is very clear that women shouldn’t preach. After all, Jesus only chose men to be disciples.”

You can imagine the amount of self-control the Holy Spirit had to put on me in that moment. It seemed absurd to me that he started with “I don’t believe in women ministers” when one was sitting right next to him. Open your eyes, Dude! But God’s cooler head prevailed, and I focused on his last sentence. “So, I’m assuming that your pastor is a man,” I said. “Of course!” he replied. “And I’m assuming your pastor is a Jew,” I continued. He was shocked. “Well of course not! He’s a Baptist.” “Oh,” I continued. “I thought he must be a Jew, because Jesus only chose Jews to be disciples, so I figured that Biblical standard must be applied to your pastor as well.” He stuttered a bit and tried to bring up the old argument of women not speaking in church. I asked him if he knew who the very first preacher was, and he said he couldn’t name him.

His name was Mary, and she was the first one to preach the good news of the empty tomb on that first Easter morning.

People shouldn’t mess with me during the appetizers.

8 So don’t be ashamed of the testimony about the Lord or of me, his prisoner. Instead, share the suffering for the good news, depending on God’s power. 9 God is the one who saved and called us with a holy calling. This wasn’t based on what we have done, but it was based on his own purpose and grace that he gave us in Christ Jesus before time began.10 Now his grace is revealed through the appearance of our savior, Christ Jesus. He destroyed death and brought life and immortality into clear focus through the good news. 11 I was appointed a messenger, apostle, and teacher of this good news.

Let me be very clear about this: you, too have been appointed a messenger, apostle, and teacher of this good news. If you have accepted Christ as your savior, you are called to share it!

 12 This is also why I’m suffering the way I do, but I’m not ashamed. I know the one in whom I’ve placed my trust. I’m convinced that God is powerful enough to protect what he has placed in my trust until that day. 13 Hold on to the pattern of sound teaching that you heard from me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14 Protect this good thing that has been placed in your trust through the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

Don’t be shy. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t hesitate. Don’t use words if you can’t think of any but show by your actions and your love whose cause you promote. Promoting the promise of the life that is in Christ is a lifelong endeavor.

Let’s get started.

It is good to share.