Ephesians 4

Going to Bed Angry

Posted on by Betsy

I always loved those moments in church when someone would raise their hand and announce that they were celebrating a wedding anniversary. What a joy! When the number of years was especially impressive, say forty, fifty, and even sixty, I would ask them to share their secret to success. A couple of times the husband would joke that he learned early in their marriage to say “yes, dear.” But more often than not, the answer had something to do with “not letting the sun go down on their anger.” One wife told me that she and her husband believed in that so much, they would stay awake all night to resolve their argument rather than go to bed angry. That is excellent relationship advice from people who know!

We believe that scripture has warned us about going to bed when you’re angry with your bedmate, and so we assume this scripture relates to those kinds of relationships. But that is not the case. Read carefully and see if you can determine what exactly is said about not going to bed angry:

Ephesians 4 (The Message)

25 What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

26-27 Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

Did you notice that it says nothing about the person with whom you share a bed? No, indeed. This is how you are supposed to treat your NEIGHBOR.

That’s a bit startling, isn’t it? So what do you suppose would happen if we practiced this scripture with integrity? What would the world look like if everyone resolved their issues with their neighbors before bedtime? Some of us wouldn’t sleep for weeks.

Paul is right about needing to clear the air when there is a dispute. The devil absolutely is LOOKING for footholds in your life, and unresolved anger is a favorite.

Also notice that anger is not the villain here. Paul encourages us to go ahead and be angry. It is okay to be angry, but it is never okay to use it as fuel for revenge. Feeling anger is a natural response to conflict, but stuffing down your anger is far from healthy. Better to go to your neighbor and tell the truth. Get it out. Stop pretending. Open a mature dialogue. BUT DON’T STAY ANGRY.

And then he goes on to address other issues in the neighborhood:

28 Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work.

29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

This is especially important when you are talking to that neighbor about what has made you angry. Say ONLY what helps, and watch the way you talk.

30 Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.

And the final word on the subject is a great summation of how to live in harmony with your neighbor:

31-32 Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

Are you caught in a situation where someone keeps making you mad? Pray, pray, pray, and then go gently into a conversation with them. Be honest, use helpful words, lay down your anger, avoid backbiting and profane talk, and be ready to forgive, even if you aren’t received well.

If you do this, you may sleep better tonight.

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down by Bonnie Bennett

Olympians

Posted on by Betsy

Did you know that for the first time ever, rock climbing is an Olympic sport? It is called Sport Climbing, and there are three different types of competition. Speed pits two climbers in a head-to-head race, climbing a 15m wall. Bouldering puts the climber on a 4.5m wall, climbing over fixed routes in a specified amount of time. Lead is where climbers try to go as high as possible on a 15m wall as fast as they can before the whistle blows. Who knew?

NPR aired a program yesterday where they interviewed a few pioneers of sport climbing. At the end of the show, the interviewer asked about finger strength. I was intrigued about this as well. I can’t open a pickle jar, so there is no way I would have the strength and dexterity to hang from a cliff by my fingers. It turns out that you can develop strong hands and fingers by exercising them in specific ways. They have even created “finger boards” to do this. I wonder if that means that piano players are a step ahead of the rest of us.

As with all Olympic sports, being an Olympic sport climber is a combination of God-given natural ability, strength training, perseverance, and determination.

In our passage from Ephesians today, Paul is writing to the church in Ephesus about their own training regimen. They are in the Growing-in-Christ Olympics. Paul encourages them to be disciplined in this sport and to be steady, consistent, and unified:

Ephesians 4 (The Message)

4 1-3 In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

4-6 You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

Obviously in Paul’s mind, this is a team sport. He instructs them to walk….better yet, run!…on the course that God has laid out for them. Running on this track will take them closer to the God they love. We can imagine them in a relay race, where instead of handing off a baton, they hand off acts of love, compassion, and forgiveness.

7-13 But that doesn’t mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift. The text for this is,

He climbed the high mountain,
He captured the enemy and seized the plunder,
He handed it all out in gifts to the people.

Is it not true that the One who climbed up also climbed down, down to the valley of earth? And the One who climbed down is the One who climbed back up, up to highest heaven. He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts.

Yet even as a team, this calling to be the body of Christ together is fortified by the fact that each participant has a different strength and spiritual gift. All of these individual spiritual gifts combine to make us stronger in our Oneness…as long as each one does their part. It is like the Olympic Parade of Nations. Each country walks behind their flag, with everyone wearing the same uniform as they represent different sports. So, too, is the church called to stand behind one Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ’s followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

Like synchronized swimmers, we are called to move rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in our response to God. Sometimes that means giving way. Sometimes that means compromising. Sometimes that means putting the needs of the many before your own.

That is the church.

14-16 No prolonged infancies among us, please. We’ll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are easy prey for predators. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

In typical Paul fashion, he tells us to GROW UP. He wants us to know the whole truth and tell it IN LOVE.

I believe that our team is strengthened every time we search the scriptures and discern God’s will. I believe our disciplined training of worship, prayer, giving, meditation, self-examination, service, discernment, study…in other words, all of the spiritual disciplines…will draw us closer to God and to one another.

You are an Olympian, too. Where is God calling you to train harder?

Keep on Climbing by Karen Warlitner

Wake Up Call

Posted on by Betsy

See if this sounds at all familiar where you are. A family member blows up at another family member, and an onslaught of phone calls to the rest of the family ensues, each presenting their side of the encounter and trying to garner support.

A frustrated teenager slams her laptop closed and storms out of the kitchen because her younger siblings are chewing too loudly.

A friend gets angry, failing to recognize that the unreasonable response of his friend is because the guy is actually having a panic attack.

Overwhelmed spouses bicker to the point of silliness over kitchen duties.

Any time God’s children encounter a great deal of stress, we have two choices. We can let the situation bring out the worst in us, or we can take a deep breath and ask God to help us to be a light in the darkness.

The difference between the two choices is focus, intention, and a deep desire to do what pleases the Lord.

Ephesians 4 (New International Version)

8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 

11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

What if this season of great stress is an opportunity for us to discover Christ’s light in a new and more visible way? What if this time could result in many more seeing and following his light?

And what is your part in it, if not to wake up and be the light?

These are challenging thoughts for challenging days. Listen, it never hurts to take that deep breath BEFORE you react, and ask God to use you as a light in someone else’s darkness. When this season finally turns into the next, won’t you want to look back at the many ways Christ shone through you?

Let us seize this opportunity to live as children of the light and do the things that please God the most. Let us reject the fruitless deeds of darkness and turn on the high beams of God’s mercy, grace, and HOPE in this dark time. I believe that people, like moths, are always attracted to the Light.

And guess what? Today, we are one day closer to the end of this thing.

Wake Up and Be the Light. By Michelle Robertson