Befriending and Blessing
Last week I had a wonderful opportunity to speak to the women at Peachtree City United Methodist Church on the subject of “filling your cup with light.” I thought I would share a bit of my talk with you today. Yes, that is me being lazy!!
Henri Nouwen wrote a wonderful book called, “Life of the Beloved.” In it, we discover his two-fold approach to dealing with the everyday darkness in everybody’s lives. He counsels two things: one is to “befriend” it, and the other is to “bless it.”
In the first instance, he suggests we befriend our brokenness by embracing it, acknowledging it, and owning up to it. This is far preferable to running away from it. The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain of brokenness, but a step toward it. Attempting to avoid, repress, or escape the pain is like cutting off a limb that could be re-attached if it only had proper attention.
Nouwen asserts that our human suffering need not be an obstacle to the joy and peace we desire, but instead it can become the means to it. But he cautions, we can’t do it alone. We need someone to stand with us in the darkness, to shine their light into our situation and remind us that there is peace beyond the anguish, life beyond death, and love beyond fear.
The second thing Nouwen suggests we should also “bless” the darkness that breaks us by bringing it under God’s blessing for our lives. We were reminded that God is the source of all of our blessings. Seeing our brokenness as another blessing of God changes our perspective. It forces us to look for what God is doing in our situation and look away from our pain.
So Nouwen invites us to consider how God can use our brokenness to bless others…in other words, to consider that surviving the darkness makes us ready to be “blessed to be a blessing.”
Nouwen wrote this:
“The powers of darkness around us are strong, and our world finds it easier to manipulate self-rejecting people than self-accepting people. But when we keep listening to the voice calling us the Beloved, it becomes possible to live our brokenness, not as a confirmation of our fear that we are worthless, but as an opportunity to purify and deepen the blessing that rests upon us. Physical, mental or emotional pain lived under the blessing is experienced in ways radically different from those things lived under a curse, which can be felt as a sign of our worthlessness and can lead us to a deep depression—-even suicide.”
By understanding our situation as part of everything that God allows rather than a curse upon us, we force ourselves to look at what God is doing, and how that might eventually turn out. We become self-accepting in that moment, seeing ourselves as he sees us: Beloved. Trying to find fault and blame turn into acceptance, which helps us heal. And when we do, we become blessed to be a blessing to others going through the same thing.
Paul teaches the church in Corinth about being blessed though their troubles so that they may be a blessing to others:
2 Corinthians 1 (Common English Bible )
3 May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. 4 He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God. 5 That is because we receive so much comfort through Christ in the same way that we share so many of Christ’s sufferings. 6 So if we have trouble, it is to bring you comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is to bring you comfort from the experience of endurance while you go through the same sufferings that we also suffer. 7 Our hope for you is certain, because we know that as you are partners in suffering, so also you are partners in comfort.
Are you suffering or troubled today? Count your blessings.

For Charlie and Mano by Wende Pritchard
