back to school

When They Leave

Posted on by Betsy

Imagine the scene.

I was walking down the aisles in the local Kroger, minding my own business. It was early September many years ago and I had ten thousand things running through my brain as I shopped. “Get broccoli/what time is that meeting tomorrow/don’t forget cream cheese/need to work on my sermon tonight” … and I unknowingly turned the corner and headed down the bread aisle. I found myself in front of the Little Debbie snack display, and my unconscious brain kicked in a shopping list reminder: “Oatmeal Creams for Jamie. Swiss Rolls for Sarah.”

I stopped my cart to search for these items, was immediately overwhelmed with a tidal wave of grief. I felt the uprising of hot tears as I realized that there are no kids at my house that require stocking up on school lunch items anymore. My youngest had just joined her sister at college days earlier, and I was now an empty nester.

Lord, I detest that label.

These life transitions for parents can be extraordinarily painful. The journey from preschool to Kindergarten, where you can’t fathom your child on the bus with the big kids, is quickly replaced by them leaving the security of Elementary School for the wildness of Middle School. A day later they’re in High School and then a prom or two later, off to college. Before you know it, they’re gone.

Eventually they have the nerve to leave home forever to start a career, marry someone, or live in another state. Had I fully understood that having children would be a series of letting go that gets harder each time, I might have just skipped over having kids and gone right to being a Nana. Too bad that isn’t an option.

This back-to-school time of year brings back all those tender “see-ya’s” and “come home soons.” I’m watching parents every Sunday as they move slowly into the reality of their impending school separations. College kids are already moving into their dorms this week and their hollow-eyed parents are trying to live into their new normal. It’s like watching a car wreck in slow motion. I see the impact coming, I want to warn them away, but I can’t stop looking, and I can’t do anything to help them.

These parents are sitting on the same pew as a man who is desperately gripping the back of the pew in front of him, hoping to remain standing on the first Sunday in 61 years that his wife will not beside him. Across the aisle is a young mother soothing her two young children and wondering how in the world they will survive her husband’s sudden and abrupt departure from their marriage and their home. I see the woman behind her tearing up at the mention of losing a loved one. It is the seventh anniversary of her father’s death.

Everyone has lost someone. Life is a process of saying goodbye to places, things, and people we love. Where can we go when our hearts are broken?

Psalm 147

The Lord builds up Jerusalem;
    he gathers the exiles of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted
    and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars
    and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
    his understanding has no limit.

Sing to the Lord with grateful praise;
    make music to our God on the harp.

The psalmist makes a bold and life-sustaining claim that the God who ordered the number of the stars in the sky sees your hurt and knows your pain. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Even in these painful moments of letting go, God is with us and his love sustains us.

What does that mean to you today? We are invited to take every wound to Jesus, our Wounded Healer. He will bind up our hurts and gather us up, no matter what exile or desert we are walking through.

This may actually be the greatest power of the incarnation. By becoming human, God as Jesus walked the painful paths that we walk. He experienced hurt and his heart was also broken. He watched Judas betray him and then he himself left people he loved. Like you, he also had to let go of people he loved and places he cherished. He gets it. He gets us. Glory to God, we are known and understood by our great and powerful God.

And parents of departing students, you’ll get through it, I promise. I did, and lived to tell about it. And soon enough it will be December and they’ll be back with a ton of stories, experiences, and lots of dirty laundry. Thanks be to God!

Childhood’s Sunset by Michelle Robertson

Parental Anxiety

Posted on by Betsy

It is that time of year when parents are taking their children back to school. From the newest kindergartner to the returning college senior, each of these separations is hard and many are even gut-wrenching. A mother in my church delivered her oldest son, a new college freshman, to a large university over 600 miles away. She described leaving him there as the “worst day of my life.” Her faith is strong, and her perspective is balanced, and she gave God the glory and said that she knew she has been tremendously blessed if this indeed was the worst day. Many other people have much worst-worst days. Having done the same with my two daughters, who attended a large university nine hours away, I can completely relate to her parental anxiety. I have felt it. Every parent feels it on the first day of school. What a terrible trick parenting plays on us! We work all their lives to help them grow up to be independent and sure of themselves, and then they repay us by utilizing all those skills and leaving the nest.

As we continue to dive into Paul’s letter to his church in Thessalonica, we can feel his parental anxiety coming through the pages. They were dealing with problems and persecutions for their faith, and Paul just wanted to run to their side. But like that Mom who can’t turn the car around and sit in her son’s dorm room for a semester, Paul can’t discontinue his own work to come back to check on them. So he sent his trusted friend Timothy to render assistance and encouragement.

1 Thessalonians 3 (Common English Bible)

3 So when we couldn’t stand it any longer, we thought it was a good idea to stay on in Athens by ourselves, 2 and we sent you Timothy, who is our brother and God’s coworker in the good news about Christ. We sent him to strengthen and encourage you in your faithfulness. 3 We didn’t want any of you to be shaken by these problems. You know very well that we were meant to go through this. 4 In fact, when we were with you, we kept on predicting that we were going to face problems exactly like what happened, as you know. 5 That’s why I sent Timothy to find out about your faithfulness when I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was worried that the tempter might have tempted you so that our work would have been a waste of time.

I love how Paul repeated himself when he said, “I couldn’t stand it anymore.” Have you ever felt that way when you were worried over a child? Have you ever wanted to get in the car and go and peek in their window just to assure yourself that they are alright? Have you ever called or texted too much, just to put your anxiety at ease? I have. You know, there is an antidote to this kind of worry: it’s called prayer.

6 Now Timothy has returned to us from you and has given us good news about your faithfulness and love! He says that you always have good memories about us and that you want to see us as much as we want to see you. 7 Because of this, brothers and sisters, we were encouraged in all our distress and trouble through your faithfulness. 8 For now we are alive if you are standing your ground in the Lord. 9 How can we thank God enough for you, given all the joy we have because of you before our God? 10 

When the weight of parenting gets too heavy, it is good to let it press you straight down to your knees. By turning our loved ones over to God’s care, we know we have reached out to one who loves them even more that we do and has the power to protect, guide, and save in ways that we never could. 

Night and day, we pray more than ever to see all of you in person and to complete whatever you still need for your faith. 11 Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus guide us on our way back to you. 12 May the Lord cause you to increase and enrich your love for each other and for everyone in the same way as we also love you. 13 May the love cause your hearts to be strengthened, to be blameless in holiness before our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his people. Amen.

May the Lord guide us back to each other.

May the Lord increase us and enrich our love for each other while we’re apart.

May this love strengthen us and make us holy.

Amen.

Go With God by Kathy Schumacher

Worthless Things

Posted on by Betsy

This is the season of “Back to School.” But in many parts of the country we aren’t back to school in the traditional sense. Parents have had to become homeschool teachers without any semblance of teacher training. Many now have to try to balance their own careers with teaching their kids at home.

This is the season of “Back to Church.” But in many parts of the country we aren’t back to church in the traditional sense. Preachers have had to become televangelists without any semblance of technical training. We have had to try to balance our usual clergy duties with not being able to use our buildings or do in-person visitations.

This is the season of “Fall Bible Study Sign-Ups.” But in many parts of the country we aren’t back to Bible studies in the traditional sense. Teachers are trying to negotiate how to do video-based curriculum on ZOOM, in-person classes in masks, or some hybrid of both.

Nothing is quite seasonal in this “season.” And nothing is normal. How can we learn then?

The psalmist speaks a longing of heart today that truly resonates with the desire we feel to be in God’s word and God’s house, regardless of our current season of trouble.

Psalm 119 (Common English Bible)

33 Lord, teach me what your statutes are about,
    and I will guard every part of them.
34 Help me understand so I can guard your Instruction
    and keep it with all my heart.
35 Lead me on the trail of your commandments
    because that is what I want.
36 Turn my heart to your laws,
    not to greedy gain.

Oh, how we long to return to life in the traditional sense! We long to attend church on Sundays so that we can understand God’s instructions and feel the protection of living inside his will for our lives. We want to walk a trail that God lays out before us that leads directly to him. We need Bible studies, Sunday School classes, small groups, youth group, the chance to do mission work, the joy of fellowship time, the opportunity to eat donuts, to sing in the choir….we need all the ways we typically learn about God. But in this season, living in God’s way will take a lot more effort on our part.

We need to turn our eyes away from looking at worthless things like regret over things not being “normal.”

37 Turn my eyes away from looking at worthless things.
    Make me live by your way.
38 Confirm your promise to your servant—
    the promise that is for all those who honor you.

So what are you looking at? What has captured your attention and diverts you from seeking God? Is your nostalgic longing for the way things used to be preventing you from engaging in the way things are?

We’re tired. We’re frustrated. We want the normal things back. But until that happens, we must find a way in this season to return to God’s word and his presence. God’s rules are good. When we seek after learning he will help us live by his righteousness.

So find that Bible study and sign up! Make a concerted effort to attend worship this Sunday no matter how it is offered. Join a ZOOM small group. This is the season to reconnect regardless of ”how.” This is the season to reconnect even if it won’t be like it used to be. This is the season to just do it.

39 Remove the insults that I dread
    because your rules are good.
40 Look how I desire your precepts!
    Make me live by your righteousness.

Sanctuary by Ann Marie Haywood